-And I was just running
a bit behind today, so I thought,
if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to write up my weekly
thank you notes right now. Is that cool with you guys? [ Cheers and applause ] James, can I get some thank you
note writing music, please? ♪♪ -Wow. He’s excited.
-Such a good mood. -Yeah. Mr. Pep. [ Laughter ] -Thank you, fall, for being
the one season when it’s stylish to dress like the couch
in your parents’ basement. [ Laughter and applause ] Thank you, new Jets coach Adam
Gase, for always looking like you just found out
you’re the coach of the Jets. [ Laughter and applause ] -What?! I’m the coach of the what?! -Thank you, new movie
“Hustlers,” for casting Lizzo. I just took a DNA test and found
out I’m 100% buying a ticket. Oh, yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you, Italian restaurants
whose menus are in Italian, for giving me two
ordering options — pointing at the menu
like an idiot or sounding like Super Mario. [ High-pitched ] “I’ll have-a
da linguine puttanesca.” [ Laughter and applause ] ♪♪ [ Normal voice ]
Thank you, French horns, for basically being an awesome
water slide for spit. -Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Yo. [ Spits ] -Thank you, DIY projects, for being a slightly
less expensive way to make a way worse version
of something. [ Laughter and applause ] I made that myself.
That’s a soap holder. -Yeah, I got it. I got it.
-Yeah, we’re good, man, yeah. This one’s killer.
-This one’s the best one. -I think this one standing up.
-Are you serious? -That’s what the card says. [ Laughter ] We’re going to ask the audience
for a standing ovation after this.
-Really? -This is the last
thank you note. -Aw.
[ Audience groans ] -For tonight.
-For tonight. -We’ll do them every week. [ Laughter ] -But for tonight,
do the last one tonight. Yeah. -Thank you, fancy bloody marys. I enjoy all the extra stuff,
but at this point, you might as well just give me
a Cobb salad covered in vodka. There you guys have it!
Those are my thank you notes!