Season 12 – Get a Job PSA | Red vs. Blue


SIMMONS: Hi, I’m Dick Simmons from the popular webseries Red vs. Blue. GRIF: And I’m Dexter Grif. We’re here today to talk to you about an important issue that’s affecting America’s youth. SIMMONS: The current job market has become oversaturated with eager, young college graduates who are hoping to begin the career of a lifetime. GRIF: Which is, of course, a total pipe dream. SIMMONS: I hate to break it to you, kids, but most of the best jobs are already taken by robots and older people who refuse to die. Isn’t that right, Lawyerbot? LAWYERBOT: Objection! REBEL SOLDIER: I-I don’t know how I feel about my state provided attorney. LAWYERBOT: What was that? REBEL SOLDIER: I mean I- I plead the fifth…? GRIF: Hahaha, oh, Lawyerbot. You overrule! SIMMONS: With all of these fine people and machines hogging every single job, even entry-level positions have become increasingly competitive. GRIF: Whoa. Easy there, fry cook. You think this job is all burgers and grease stains? Well think again. We’ve got three kids missing in action in the PlayPlace and a van full of stoners holding up the drive thru, so you better be coming in here with some work experience. SIMMONS: But employer, how is it possible to gain work experience if I’m applying for my first job? GRIF: Excellent question, you poor, hopeless soul. SIMMONS: Remember all those extracurricular activities you did while you were in school? GRIF: Like if you played any sports, well that makes you a people person with lots of “hands-on” experience. SIMMONS: Marching band? More like four years of synchronous audio engineering. Wink! GRIF: And isn’t student council already pretty much a management position? SIMMONS: If you think about it, jobs are the ultimate extracurricular activity. I mean, you do them outside of school, right? GRIF: Unless you want to work as a teacher, in which case God help you… SIMMONS: At this point you’re probably thinking, “Gosh. Getting a job is starting to sound really hard.” And you’re right. GRIF: Studies show that employers are hiring now more than ever. Unfortunately, they’re just not hiring you. SIMMONS: And, if they’re not hiring you, then that means they’re giving all of the jobs to someone else. And once everyone else has jobs, that means there won’t be any left for the next generation of college graduates. It’s the circle of unemployment. So you see, getting the job of your dreams is incredibly difficult. GRIF: And getting a job that you hate isn’t exactly a walk in the park either. But at least it pays the bills. SIMMONS: Providing, of course, that you have bills to pay. The smart thing to do would be to leech off your parents for as long as possible. Isn’t that right, dad? GRIF: Uh, he left a while ago. SIMMONS: *sighs* Dammit. Hey, Grif. Mind if I crash at your place for a few weeks? GRIF: Yeah, you’ll have to take it up with the Lawyerbot. He’s the one that’s on the lease. I actually just stay in the dog house. SIMMONS: Wait. Really? LAWYERBOT: It was a verbally binding contract! GRIF: I was drunk and you know it! SIMMONS: *clears throat* Um, in conclusion, the best way to succeed in the nightmarish landscape known as the job market is practically impossible to define. GRIF: Which is why we recommend avoiding it entirely. SIMMONS: Why compete for someone else’s job when you can just create one for yourself? GRIF: So get on out there and be the best astrodoctorcowboydinofighter that you can be. FEMALE VOICE: Paid for by the offices of Lawyerbot and Bernstein. Now accepting summer interns! LAWYERBOT: Injustice does not compute! [FEMALE VOICE: Too fast to understand.]

32 Replies to “Season 12 – Get a Job PSA | Red vs. Blue”

  1. Notice no mention of like the 2 easiest sectors of the job market to get in to.
    and the 2 largest sectors. Construction and Manufacturing. also known as: how to get a job in a week. that you hate.
    and will quit from.
    that same week.

  2. I want to do something with games.
    I'm a minor still, older then 13 though.
    Don't know how to draw.
    Or make music.
    Or code.
    My idea is in my head, I know the story behind it.
    Every other job just sucks in my my mind.
    I might write a book or something :/.

  3. I got fired from one Job and I got rehired for another on the same day…with these statistics I must be the luckiest son of a bitch ever.

  4. Can't stop stairing at Simmons' shoulder. His emblem is popping out and it bugs me. I guess he went eith the stickers and now it's peeling.

  5. Wait, wait, wait, WAIT; Are you guys even technically employed anymore? Or are you pretty much what the RPG community refers to as a "Murder-hobo?"

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